I think im going to throw up on grandma
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
