so that wasnt chicken after all
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
