Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
