so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
