If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize