She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
