I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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