DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
