i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
