My brain says no but my pants say off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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