He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
