I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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