Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
