There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize