We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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