So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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