My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
