Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
