i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His nipple licking is glorious
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
