and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
