If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
