had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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