Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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