I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
