i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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