wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
