the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
