alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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