We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
