I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
