Soap is not a condiment
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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