I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
