the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
