The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
