just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
