Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
