i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we're making bets on your personal life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
