Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
