No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
