The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
