Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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