i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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