Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
