Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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