also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
