We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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