I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
