If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
