is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my sisters under your porch take her home
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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