He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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