Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
