Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
