don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
