you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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