Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
