I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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