im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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