perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And then he peed in my hair
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