Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
