what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
