shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
