I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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