you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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