O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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