I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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